STOP!

Have been crying at school for a few weeks now. Not everyday but 2 to 3 times a week? Friends planning to genting on this Friday means tomorrow. My parents doesn't let, cause its dangerous. Know la raining the mud the hill? My friend ask me can i go? I said i can't parents don't let. She is upset and angry then went straight to toilet. I was like its not my fault. I wanted to go too. Then went back to class no one cared about me. No one asked about it i was sitting at my place. Then i write a note to hoiyann. Then bla bla bla she ask what happened between the both of us. Then i told her, she called my friend that is upset that one come sit beside me. I was trying and forcing my tears not to come out but unfortunately, once she open her mouth and the first word came out my tear straight away flush down. She said she is not angry at me but upset also a little bit angry cause I can't go. Then i keeps on crying until my eyes red. Okay that was on Tuesday.


Then one Wednesday i cried again. I was talking to my friend then my friend was talking to my other friend talking about the planning stuff. Then suddenly she shout "HAIYA DON'T TALK LA" immediately I STFU and sit down. But inside i felt alone again. Cause everyone was having fun so happy talking about their plans but I was all alone there hearing them looking at the sky. Suddenly they ask me why so sad then i cried again. Yeah imma cry baby so what? Its hard to stop it okay? They say i cry like a pipe water. Once open then the water immediately flush down. My friend even say i "bin jui". I was like WTF! Did i??? Okay... Imma truly cry baby. Hey!! I'm a human a sensitive one. I'm fragile okay? :P 


Also i wanted to blog about is there is time i felt that all my best friend will be snatch away from me. No matter how hard i tried how many times and how many thing i do, they will just go away. I tried to change myself every time i ask them which part of me that i should change. They said i changed. Then when there is new student my bestie dumped me and go for the new one. That day on i told myself JESSE there is no more bestie. Only you. No more! Then this year I've found my new bestie well, I'm not sure what she thinks but i feel like she is feating away. Am i that bad? Or what did i do wrong? Or izzit that I'm not good enough? I guess all of them huh? Life sucks. 


This drama I'm watching call "Love you" a taiwan drama this girl's boyfriend give other girl snatch. I felt this story is almost the same as me but mine is friend not boyfriend. Hmmmm, useless huh? Can't helped. What they want they go for it. I can't hold them back. Felt so lonely only.